Current status: Barbershop Quartet

A few weeks ago Omar and Joost said to me: “You really need a vacation, you haven’t had a week of since you started.” They were and are completely correct. It would be silly to suggest I didn’t need a vacation. After being in crunch mode for several weeks preparing for two exams and after that releasing Yoast SEO 3.2, while in the same week giving two presentations within Yoast on different subjects I was really tired.

And then you are free to do anything. The void that is left will be filled with a rollercoaster of emotions. There is a place in my life for a meditative practice but I have not been able to stick with it for longer than 30 days. This means that I don’t listen to my emotions enough while in crunch mode or while working normally and they all get released when there is a moment of free time.

Whenever I am in an emotional rollercoaster it is always filled with sentimental music. This time, it is the barbershop quartet from Bioshock Infinite. It got triggered by this video from PAX. Cosplayers are awesome! So this has been on repeat for a while now. Other instances of this featured Baba Yetu, Hide and Seek, and even Meet the Medic. All these songs give me goosebumps when I haven’t listened to them for a long time.

I am very proud of everything I have done over the last years, from someone that woke up panicking to the sound of being called about a missed appointment to someone that can give two presentations in a week while being super nervous for both of them while having just done two exams. While I write this I am amazed and proud of the turnaround.

Except for the fact that in a lot of cases it doesn’t feel different, I still feel anxious, I still feel scared, I still feel like I don’t belong to be here. And all this is multiplied when I am not busy.

I haven’t really found a good way to deal with weeks like these. Any tips or guidance is welcome.

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